Today’s Message From the Universe asks you to examine the relationship between you and someone you love. While this message indicates romantic love, it applies to relationships of all kinds.
Someone in this relationship is disrespecting the other; it may even be a problem with how both of you treat each other. It would be too easy to tell you to drop them like a hot potato, but this is an important relationship for you and deserves a little effort before making such a big decision.
Relationships are hard.
There will be plenty of disagreements and occasional hurt feelings, but it’s how you treat each other when disagreeing that we’re spotlighting today.
Many of us have not had a lot of positive examples of relationships in our lives, so when we find ourselves sharing our lives with someone important to us, it’s quite common to act and react in ways that aren’t supportive of a healthy relationship. This can happen even if you’re not in the midst of an argument or hurt feelings.
Now, before we go any further, this advice just isn’t going to work unless both of you are willing to put in the effort.
Someone who refuses to listen to your needs and respect your boundaries, puts you down, or abuses you in any other way is not going to stop because you treat them with love or change yourself to fit what you think they want.
As a matter of fact, most people don’t know that abuse comes in many forms, not just physical and sexual. Withholding finances, isolating you, threatening to take things from you, and breaking things are just a few examples of behaviors that many don’t realize are abusive.
***If you want to learn more about domestic abuse, check out the “Helpful Links” section at the bottom of this post.
If you’re in a relationship where both of you are willing to put in the effort, this is where the magic really happens. It’s in those small moments where someone communicates their needs or feelings, and the other listens, accepts, and adjusts their behavior to be more respectful of the other’s feelings and needs. This is how you grow together instead of arguing in circles around the same subject for the duration of your time together.
It’s important to set guidelines for how both of you act when emotions are high, and you may find it helpful to have a session or two with someone who can help you establish those healthy guidelines. Below are a few of my own guidelines that you might find helpful.
In the moment:
Take space.
Sometimes it’s best for both of you to calm down a bit before you address the problem. Make sure you communicate that you’re just cooling off because it may feel like more to your partner, especially early in the relationship or if both of you are relatively young.No insults.
Heated arguments can easily cause you to say hurtful things that you can’t take back. Those words often anchor themselves in one’s heart and fester into long-term feelings of inadequacy and resentment.Keep focus on the problem at hand.
Bringing up the past may be helpful when discussing patterns, but that’s it. Your goal is to find solutions, not “win” the argument.No interrupting.
Each of you should be able to complete your thought before the other responds.Use “I” first, not “you.”
“You always do this” puts your partner on the defensive, which just isn’t helpful. Start these conversations with something like “I feel this when you do that.” It also helps if you can work out and explain why it makes you feel this way. Sometimes our feelings come from a place of insecurity or fear rather than any bad behavior from our partner.Try alternative ways of communicating.
I don’t know about you, but I have always had a hard time saying all that needs saying when I’m speaking to someone, especially if I’m upset. I’ve always found it helpful to write out my thoughts for the big stuff, even if it’s just brief bullet points.A change of scenery.
When all is said and done, it can take a little while for some of the hard feelings to pass; that’s why make-up sex is a thing! However, you may not be up for that type of intimacy right away. Try doing something fun together, or spend some time together in a natural setting like a hiking trail or beach.
Tips to kill the argument before it even starts:
Learn to recognize when a feeling is caused by your own fears and insecurities. Ultimately, our relationships are a mirror. This has been one of the most helpful things I’ve learned regarding relationships. I used to get upset when a partner left to cool off because I had been abandoned by the people I loved for my entire life. I would get jealous over small things for the same reason.
Once I learned to identify the underlying source of my feelings, I could catch myself when those feelings were small and give my partner the chance to reassure me. I would come right out and say, “I’m feeling a little jealous right now,” instead of letting it build up quietly or approaching my partner in an accusatory manner.Let your partner know when you’re having a rough day.
You’d be surprised at just how helpful this can be! Ultimately, you should be each other’s support and safe haven. Nobody can give 100% all the time. Some days you will put in more effort, and some days you can barely manage the minimum. Letting your partner know when you’re feeling volatile avoids unnecessary hurt feelings and gives your partner the chance to give you the space you need or a little extra love.Acceptance and redirection.
I don’t care how much you love someone; there will always be things about them that drive you crazy. The trick is to understand when those things are a part of who they are, and decide whether or not you can live with that. If it’s not a dealbreaker, then redirect your focus to something you love about them.Date nights with your partner.
Regular date nights with your partner are a great way to make sure your relationship doesn’t become only about the kids, bills, and housework. This is how you grow together and keep your appreciation for one another visible and tangible.Alone time.
We all need time alone, even if we hate the idea. This is how we learn to understand and appreciate ourselves and how we discover or grow things we love that our partners may not be interested in. You are a whole person, and so is your partner. The richness you find in yourselves as individuals enhances your partnership.Time with friends.
There is not a single person on Earth who can be everything you need. That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on someone, and a fast track to disappointment. Let’s take your partner out of the equation for a moment and think about your friends. I am willing to bet that each of your friends brings something different to your life. Maybe one of them is someone you go to when you need to talk something out, and another brings out your playful side.
Each person brings their own flavor to the group and your life. Your partner is another flavor that enhances your meal - not the meal itself. Your friends and family are an important part of your tribe, so make sure you nurture those relationships too :)
Last but not least:
At the end of the day, love is more than a feeling - it’s a choice. A choice to stay and put in effort when things get rough, or leave when you realize your relationship is one person doing all the work. This relationship is a part of your life, not your whole life - you still need to nurture your relationship with yourself and your tribe.
If you’ve got any other tips that might be helpful, drop them in the comments! If you’ve found this helpful and would like to send me a little love, you can purchase something from my shop, buy me a coffee, or become a paid subscriber 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
Don’t forget to check out today’s crystals, music, links, and tools below!
Take care of yourself, Beautiful Soul, and take care of your neighbors 💙
I made this 😍😍😍
Heart’s Harmony | Rose Quartz & Aventurine, Fidget Bag Charm, Love Spell
In case you missed some magic ✨
Today’s musical vibes 🎶
Warning: My playlist is as eclectic as I am—expect explicit tracks and “low vibe” beats. Listen at your own discretion 🎧
Tools used for this message 🔮
Deck (Big Deck Energy!):
Anne Stokes Gothic Oracle by Steven Bright, Anne Stokes (Only 1 Left!)
You might also like The Witching Hour Oracle by Cherie Gerhardt (In Stock!)
Magic Rocks:
Silk Agate
Desert Rose
Fluorite
Amazonite
Red Jasper
Helpful Links:
“Recognising Domestic Abuse,” by Women’s Aid
